Why I cancel coffee and say no to lunch 

I’ve talked a lot about my introversion. Is that the right word? Anyways, I always wonder if I’m the only introvert in the world. 

It’s probably more likely that introverts can’t find each other because we both want to hide in our car and never talk to each other.

My car is my safety zone. It’s like a little bubble of aloneness. I don’t have to talk to people. Maybe a little wave. 

For some reason, I do really well in business meetings. I can talk with confidence and give my pitch or ideas with no sign of my anxiety. But person to person, with no idea of what to say, or might come up. It’s scary. 

So I avoid, I cancel. I avoid “lunch” like the plague. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but when it comes close, the anxiety builds and it’s the last thing I want to do.

So why do I do this? Maybe it’s the unknown. Maybe it’s those variables that hold me back. I know why I hate chit chat, mingling and small talk. Even typing it makes me cringe.   I believe this is because it’s not real connection. It’s surface talk. No one gets real, just shallow talk. But when it has a chance to actually get real and deep, I avoid.

You might question why I can do this, type my feelings and be completely real and open with every aspect. Writing is a whole different way of communication. That happens to be how I connect with my feelings and organize my thoughts. I don’t know why I share it publicly. Always hoping that I connect with someone who feels the same way and help them feel okay. Or maybe letting you feel okay with what you are going through.

It never started out that way, it was a place to record my story. Mostly for my daughter and those going through a prophylactic mastectomy. But somewhere along the line, I’ve shared everything. It’s been my therapy and my art. I found a place and a way to incorporate writing into my problems and what is going on in my life.

I’m sorry if you’ve been someone I’ve avoided, canceled, not answer the phone, or return your calls. Or purely saying no to “lunch” or anything that involves small talk. It’s not you. It’s me. My insecurities, my fears. Everything in me avoids face to face, small groups, large groups. It doesn’t differentiate, it just is my reality. 

A day in the life of an introvert 

I’m an introvert. To some who really know me, it is not a surprise. To others, it might be. I can completely fake being social, but when ever I’m forced to chit chat, I want to run.

I avoid all social situations. I don’t talk to my neighbors. I dodge my family. I hate going to lunch with coworkers.

I have a few close friends, like I always have. I feel like I can open up after a bit of time, but only with small groups.  Really just 1-2 at a time.  The larger the group, the quieter I will become. 

Sometimes it feels like the world is social. It seems like it is glorified, and antisocial behavior is looked down on like some sort of defect. 

Maybe it only feels that way because the social outgoing people get farther in life by making those connections. Or they do high profile jobs better.

I feel like I run into outgoing, extroverted people every where but seldom talk to other introverts. Maybe it’s because neither of us make that first move. We avoid each other.

For a moment consider that antisocial isn’t a disease. It’s not a social defect of character. It’s just different. Celebrate the introverts in your life for being who they are. Introverts may be quiet, but we are thinking, observing. We might take a while to warm to, but when we do, it means you mean that much to us.

Friendship for the introvert is all in. It’s deep. Nothing is ever shallow. It’s true and real. Introverts love deeply, we are considerate and thoughtful. We avoid the surface to open up to what really matters. 

If you see an antisocial person, don’t judge them for avoiding small talk, just give them a little wave and let them be.