This morning I broke. Maybe that’s the wrong word. Broke down? Really it was about release. I needed to let something go, I probably still haven’t but I spent a good couple hours in a constant flow of tears. I can say tonight I feel better. It did help to let the tears flow (although I’m not really a keep the tears in kind of person.)
I think pretty much everyone went through a release of some type today. Or at least we all thought about what we need to release. Release is cleansing. We all know there is something. That one thing we hold onto so tightly even if it isn’t good for us. I kind of wonder why we do that. If it is hurting us, somewhere inside us we are locked up. It holds us back, keeps us from being fully ourselves.
So out the tears came. We were talking about what is hard for us to let go, for me it came down to two words “not enough.” I have struggled with this in every part of my life for my entire life. I can pretty much apply those words to everything in my life.
Then while talking about it (after hours of tears) I flippantly said the words that I have been needed to hear, I am enough. Maybe not everything needs to be profound. Maybe it doesn’t need to be earth shattering. Maybe in my blurt, I found what I needed to hear. I found what my own voice can say to myself and 100% know it is true. None of that negative voice is helping me. It just holds me back.
After all of this emotional release, I did a class. It’s amazing when you are feeling emotional weight what happens in yoga. It is a completely different experience. It isn’t stressful, you feel that cleansing motion work through your body. When I laid down for that final savasana, the tears fell again. But this time, they didn’t hurt, they healed. They felt like the final release of what I needed.
If you are a casual yogi, I encourage you to spend time before a class and see what you need to work through emotionally. If you can get there, the practice is much different. It connects the physical with the emotional in a way our culture needs but isn’t used to.
Physically, I want to be pushed. I love getting these postures right. We did more posture clinics and I worked a bit more on my handstands. I just want to do it over and over. I want to get it, I want that accomplishment of holding myself. Once you start, you can’t get enough. It’s so fun!
The best thing about being here is seeing the emotional and physical breakthroughs happening over and over again. I wonder about all the people who say they can’t and don’t have someone pushing them like we do here. We hear over and over, well just try. Yoga is about the try. The magic is in the try. The breakthroughs are in the try. You just have to get up and try – and sometimes try and try and try until someday, you are standing on your hands, feet overhead – and knowing – I am enough. Today, I know I am enough. Right now, I can be no more, I can be no less. I can just be enough the way I am.