I couldn’t sleep last night. Usually it’s stress related, but last night it was happiness. I’m grateful and content. Happy to be where I’m at and settled in my life.
I’ve reduced some stress and drama that I didn’t need and have focused on healing myself and my family and it’s all coming together.
Just a few moments in bed, happy. To be alive, to be moving forward. Breathing in and out pure joy. I’m thankful for all that I have and I have everything I need. My heart is full and I feel truly blessed.
Take a moment now and then and find contentment in your life.
I had surgery this Friday. That being said, I tried to be at Teacher Training as much as possible. Why? It’s my yoga family. In my town! I haven’t been to a training here in Wenatchee but it is so cool to have so many people that I truly adore coming to my home studio. They have become a new family, my yoga family.
I feel about them like I do my “California Cousins.” When they come to town, life as we know it stops. You make sacrifices, you do what it takes to spend every second you can with them.
Also, they care for me. I have people who really really care. They don’t fake it, they don’t have to. They don’t judge me or question it. They are all completely real and completely real in their love and kindness. They don’t have to try, they just do. There is nothing like the relationship I have with my yoga family. Love and respect. Mutual understanding. Unconditional acceptance. If you don’t have a yoga family, you should. And mine is pretty darn amazing.
I couldn’t make the hike yesterday, but I love these people. Beautiful.
Today I turn forty. Back when I was 25 years old, I had just lost my mom, I had just found out I had the same gene that was connected to her breast cancer and death. I sat in the Wenatchee High School Gym watching my little sister play volleyball and I looked around. I felt overwhelmed with grief. It was probably one of the worst moments in my life.
I looked at all these people and thought, they all will live and I will die. I’ll never grow old, I’ll never see grandchildren. I am going to die. Just like my mom just months before. I will die early. I just won’t ever see old age. Now I know I am hardly old. But that there was this moment in time that I so clearly saw my future and 40 wasn’t in it. Let alone anything beyond. I was devastated. I was facing death and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt at the young age of 25 that my death was imminent.
It wasn’t long before I found my strength to fight and do what I needed to do to get to this age. People have asked me how I feel about 40. Really, I feel accomplished. I feel proud. I feel so grateful. I see the life behind me, heartaches and triumphs, love and loss, fear and courage. I made it here, fighting the whole way but I made it. I lost body parts, I lost a part of me. But at the same time I found myself.
I see the life behind, and I see the life ahead. Long or short, it is beautiful. Life isn’t about survival. It’s about enjoying the journey – good and bad. Then pulling up your big girl panties and doing what you have to do but the strength to stay true to yourself. I don’t know what is in front of me. How many years I have. What love and loss I have ahead of me. I know there will be more. But I am going to enjoy every second. Look out world, Amy is coming down the hill and picking up speed.
I have been thinking about happiness lately and one of the things I noticed was that no one complains at Yoga. One of the things I enjoy is when the door is open and you can hear the sounds coming from the lobby. There is just laughter and pure joy. Yoga people are happy people.
Happiness it’s self is an interesting concept. Something that makes one person happy isn’t necessarily what makes another person happy. When I started this, I hoped to be flexible and strong. After going for about a year now, I have gained so much more. Happiness in the hot room. I don’t know if it’s more the quiet reflection time, or just the focus that I have to do to stay in those poses in that heat. But the hour passes more quickly the more and more I go. I long for double classes so I don’t have to leave after just an hour.
Maybe for me, happiness is enjoying the moment. Not thinking about expectations, or the thousands of things I need to get done today. Just right now, in this place.
I went to a funeral this week of a beloved coach and teacher, Mr. (Ted) Taylor. The fun and games that he brought to the world were something I will take with me always. A joy for life, a happiness in sport and the pursuit of competition. Funeral’s always make think how short life is and how much I want to embrace every day, every moment. Spread joy. For me, that’s encouraging others to do what gives them joy. Don’t wait, it’s all too short.