Progress, not perfection 

I grew up thinking perfection was possible. If you weren’t perfect, you weren’t trying hard enough.

That thinking can literally kill you. I tried it, it doesn’t work and more importantly, it’s exhausting. There is a horrible let down when you fall short of that mark. Shame, self loathing, you name it, I’ve felt it.

There were a lot of times where I heard, “if you would have just tried a little harder.” Today, I’m still trying to break it. I try so hard that I collapse into tears. Not just crying, shaking in the corner sobbing. 

I know I can play victim, it’s super easy! Look at what I’ve been through, I say. Look how life has kicked me when I was down. Oh poor me. But that just gets me stuck. Not progressing, just sitting in the sorrow and helplessness of self pity.

But really, I’ve come out of all that junk stronger. I actually am proud of myself and like who I am. I’m finally getting it together. Letting go of what life has handed me and looking forward to the amazing things to come.

It’s easy to look at people and think, it must be nice, they’ve had it so easy. But no one escapes life and death. Everyone looses, everyone triumphs. There’s no hard or easy, just life. No winners, no losers, just everyone trying to make it through.

I’ve got scars, I’ve had struggles. I make that very public. But today I embrace my progress. From victim to warrior, from endless pain to contentment in any situation. Not always perfect but always progressing. 

Most importantly, surrounded by smart strong people, that have been through the ringer too, who encourage and remind me, keep moving forward and making progress in each and every day regardless of circumstance or struggles. 

Humility 

Something I’ve been working on in the last week, finding humility. This is all about the world revolving completely without me and definitely not around me.

Sometimes I get stuck thinking I’m over important. I get caught in my head. It’s all about others affecting me. But I am reminding myself that it’s not about that in the end. It’s about what good I put into the world.  

The more humble, the more helpful I become. I see others for the value that they bring and I can see the value in everything.

What works for me is looking at the beautiful mountains growing and changing in front of me. The leaves blowing in the air. The river runs and the birds sing. All valuable and all not affected by me. Every thing is beautiful and great. Every piece of this planet is amazing, and I’m just lucky to be a part of it and share my love with all around me. 

Nature and yoga

Tonight I practiced on the deck, looking at the most beautiful view. I thought about listening to music. But there was something lovely in the sounds of the outdoors.

I listened to the birds singing to my flows. I felt the gentle wind that cooled me right when I needed it. I balanced finding a focal point on the hills. I looked up at the half moon starting to make it’s way into the blue sky. 

My body moved with grace. I had more focus and balance than I have ever had. I connected my soul with the beauty around me. Something very special in this practice moved me. Meet the outdoors around you and you’ll be at peace.

Doing the next right thing

Something I’m working on lately is just focusing on doing the next right thing. Sometimes I get stuck in the mode that I want someone to notice what I do.

I run around in my head that I hope they know I did that, or whatever it is. But in reality none of it matters. Doing the next right thing is enough. Maybe you can call it Karma. Doing the next right thing is an easy rule of thumb.

It’s easy to get caught up in the notion that if no one sees it, it doesn’t matter. But you see it. And isn’t what we think of ourselves all that really matters? And if Karma is a thing, it will pay off. 

The life you live, the choices you make, do make the person you are. Are you pleasant? Are you happy? Are you kind and thoughtful? Are you a good friend? All that matters is the next right thing. 

Sure you’ve messed up. I know I have. I’ve been selfish and unpleasant. I’ve made bad choices and hurt people. But the next right thing is always before you. It gets easier to not worry about the past when you focus on the next right thing. And you know what? All those next right things add up to feeling good about who you are and where you are headed. Keep moving forward and find that next right thing and you won’t be disappointed. 

Hair & driving with the windows down 

I changed my hair recently. I needed a fresh start. I am putting the past behind and moving forward.

Today I let my hair down. I had the windows down and the music up. It was me. The true and pure form of myself. Everything I love today has been a struggle but worth every mistake. I’ve stumbled through life to be exactly where I was meant to be.

Everything feels like it’s coming together and all at once. Which can be exciting and happy but also really scary. After what I’ve been through, it seems that good is too good to be true. That’s when it all is taken away.

But today my only choice is to feel the crisp wind of spring blowing through that window, the sun warming my cheeks, the gentle rain when I left my coat. These are the feelings of being alive. 

Life is good.

From Mental Whirlwind to being Calm and Quiet

Lately, I’ve not been taking care of myself. 

Not in a selfish way, also not in a “I need a spa day” kind of way.

It’s more of an honoring of myself. I’ve been more in my head than in my heart. It’s easy for me to slip into this internal dialogue that never stops. I mostly over trying to be “better.”

Better. That word is hard for me to even type. It’s like just being moment by moment isn’t enough, you need to be better.

That’s why yoga gets me at a deep place. It quiets the mind and you find a place of surrender and acceptance of where you are. You can’t fake being good at postures. There is no suck it up and pretend to be something your not. Your body can only go to where you can go. You can only hear what you are ready to hear.

From training one of my favorite saying is “All will come.” It reminds me that nothing has to be perfect, or fake. It meets you where you are. And it’s wonderful. 

The dream of all dreams

I have dreamed of working in media since my freshman year in high school where I met a teacher who would change the course of my life leading up to this moment. That teacher was Mr. Doug McComas. I found where I wanted to be and where I would try to get to for the next 20+ years.

I’ve wanted to be in media. I found Marketing and loved that equally. But bounced around never marrying the two. Now, I’m an Advertising Account Executive with the local TV Station, NCWLife. 

I’m beyond excited. The excitement of news and deadlines energizes me. I almost can’t believe I’m working along some Wenatchee greats: Steve Hair? Eric Grandstrom? Lisa Bradshaw? Dan Kuntz? Yeah. Yeah. I know, star struck listening to their voices as I walk around is crazy. Steve Hair was right in front of me today. Like right there, talking and having a normal conversation in his voice! 

Okay, maybe not everyone would act like an idiot not being able to speak in front of Steve Hair. Or being so silly awkward in front of Dan Kuntz. But seriously, I’m such a dork for this and don’t even care. 

I’ve really been cyber stalking them for months. Watching, contacting, all of it.

So it’s the dream of all dreams for me, just let me take it in. Can’t wait to get started on this ride.