Progress, not perfection 

I grew up thinking perfection was possible. If you weren’t perfect, you weren’t trying hard enough.

That thinking can literally kill you. I tried it, it doesn’t work and more importantly, it’s exhausting. There is a horrible let down when you fall short of that mark. Shame, self loathing, you name it, I’ve felt it.

There were a lot of times where I heard, “if you would have just tried a little harder.” Today, I’m still trying to break it. I try so hard that I collapse into tears. Not just crying, shaking in the corner sobbing. 

I know I can play victim, it’s super easy! Look at what I’ve been through, I say. Look how life has kicked me when I was down. Oh poor me. But that just gets me stuck. Not progressing, just sitting in the sorrow and helplessness of self pity.

But really, I’ve come out of all that junk stronger. I actually am proud of myself and like who I am. I’m finally getting it together. Letting go of what life has handed me and looking forward to the amazing things to come.

It’s easy to look at people and think, it must be nice, they’ve had it so easy. But no one escapes life and death. Everyone looses, everyone triumphs. There’s no hard or easy, just life. No winners, no losers, just everyone trying to make it through.

I’ve got scars, I’ve had struggles. I make that very public. But today I embrace my progress. From victim to warrior, from endless pain to contentment in any situation. Not always perfect but always progressing. 

Most importantly, surrounded by smart strong people, that have been through the ringer too, who encourage and remind me, keep moving forward and making progress in each and every day regardless of circumstance or struggles. 

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Doing the next right thing

Something I’m working on lately is just focusing on doing the next right thing. Sometimes I get stuck in the mode that I want someone to notice what I do.

I run around in my head that I hope they know I did that, or whatever it is. But in reality none of it matters. Doing the next right thing is enough. Maybe you can call it Karma. Doing the next right thing is an easy rule of thumb.

It’s easy to get caught up in the notion that if no one sees it, it doesn’t matter. But you see it. And isn’t what we think of ourselves all that really matters? And if Karma is a thing, it will pay off. 

The life you live, the choices you make, do make the person you are. Are you pleasant? Are you happy? Are you kind and thoughtful? Are you a good friend? All that matters is the next right thing. 

Sure you’ve messed up. I know I have. I’ve been selfish and unpleasant. I’ve made bad choices and hurt people. But the next right thing is always before you. It gets easier to not worry about the past when you focus on the next right thing. And you know what? All those next right things add up to feeling good about who you are and where you are headed. Keep moving forward and find that next right thing and you won’t be disappointed. 

Baptiste Cleanse Day 3, Fruit fast day one.

Well I wasn’t perfect today but I was pretty darn close with my fruit fast. I ate nothing but fruit but had a coffee and a small piece of cake. I’m trying to be honest and still look at progress over perfection and know I’m still making good choices. I could have had three pieces of cake but that little bit was SO good.

Fruit for breakfast lunch and dinner is a little boring but lots of options. I feel like I’m drinking a ton of water. Having a ton of water going through me since the foods are all water based.

Water based food is a focus in the Baptiste Cleanse. Which is nice, I rather eat fruit than a salad with no dressing. That dry feeling is much less pleasant with all fruit.

Even a few raspberries after my yoga practice was a treat. And to my yoga practice, again I wanted to count my teaching while practicing, but talked myself into practice even coming home late. My goal tonight was to not throw up. And success. Although it was iffy.

Energy wise I feel pretty good. My muscles were a little sore or just muscle pain. I think it was because of the food. But sticking with it and looking forward to tomorrow. 

The evenings are when the cravings start, but I was having those before. Now I’m just not endulging those urges. I’m not hungry, just trying to fill some kind of void. 

Baptiste Cleanse Day 2 – MAJOR Detox

So, let’s just say today was a lot different than yesterday. I don’t know if toxins were being cleansed from my system or what.

But here is what happened in order of my day, I started out with a quick banana to teach at 7am. It’s a low key wake up kind of flow. I tried to convince myself that it was good enough to not do my practice today. I drank a quick lemon hot water again which is super pleasant. Surprisingly! But I still drank coffee. One step at a time. 

Off to work, at lunch I ate a ton (too many) carrots but they were so crunchy and sweet, I ate them until I hated them. I drank a plant based shake for lunch. But felt a mental fog, I was emotional, defeated, loss of energy and over all feeling a bit blah. I had my mid afternoon apple snack which was super welcomed and gave me a burst of energy. 

After a long day I spent some time crying and over all breaking down luckily to understanding friends. Who were there completely for me.  

I decided I needed to practice. Wimping out gets me nothing. 

I came home, ate a quick chicken salad. Waited 20 minutes and began my practice. Somewhere between the first and third locust, I got queesy and let’s just say I detoxed. I brushed my teeth, got back on my mat and finished my practice.

I now head to a three day fruit fast. Stay tuned!

8 limbs – Aparigraha

One of my favorite Sanskrit words to say. It’s just fun.

But what it means – non covetousness. What it means to me is 2 things: 1) being grateful for what you have 2) not being jealous or wanting what someone else has.

What it means off the mat: greed, wanting what you don’t need, jealousy. All of these are struggles for me, I’ll be honest. I want to not want what other people have, whether it’s a body or things like cars and houses. I find myself longing for what I don’t have. Today, I’m grateful for what I do have. Which is actually a lot. Plenty. More than I deserve. And for the body, I’m settled in my body. Where it at today, I earned every bit of my weight. For better or worse, I’ve done this to myself.

On the mat: it’s easy to want the practice of others. It’s common to watch what other people can do. But again I’ve earned only what I’ve worked for. In yoga, there’s only one way to get what others have, working for it. Practicing frequently. Today I am settled into my practice. Enjoying right where I’m at and knowing it’s a constant practice to improve. There’s no end date, it’s constant growth to the next depth, the little father stretch and the more stength.

Baptiste Cleanse Day 1

I made it through day 1 of a 7 day cleanse. It’s mostly a mind reboot of how you see food.

I just feel really good about eating good. My weight has skyrocketed and I’m ready to take my life back. Keep my machine running on good energy and end the draining.

A lot of it was stress. Food can make you feel better. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it. But I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Probably many people struggle with the addiction to that feeling.

The part I was most worried about with the cleanse was a warm lemon and honey drink to start the day, was actually very pleasant. But now I’m hungry and craving chocolate. 

Part of the process is feeling what is creating those cravings. In this instance, it’s a little habit, a little comfort and not a bit of real hunger. I know I ate enough, that sweetness is calling me but I don’t need it. Instead I sit with my feelings and accept them for what they are.

It’s hard to look at what you are eating and why. It takes some effort and some soul searching. I’m super excited to start changing my attitude towards food and focusing on what I’m putting in my body.

I did make one exception to the plan, I didn’t give up my morning coffee but I didn’t take extra to work and I drank in moderation. This is cutting back huge for me and I’m not ready to let it go. If I don’t see results this week, I’ll know why and reassess. 

I also started my day with the Baptiste Power practice. I got off my lazy butt and did it. I have to say, it’s a great way to start the day. I feel energized and empowered. On to day 2! 

Power daily practice day 1

Okay, truth time. I’ve supposed to have been doing this for two weeks. But I’ve had tomorrow syndrome, yet tomorrow never came. 

Today I took a step, a step I’ll commit to for the next week. I’m looking to just focus on a week at a time. 

This week I’m also starting the Baron Baptiste cleanse. It goes right along with today’s 8 limbs, living simply. It’s simple, not complicated but also extremely difficult. I’ll take this one day at a time, starting today. 

I want to change, grow. I haven’t treated myself like I deserve to be treated. I’ve ate like I hate myself. One of the things I read that really stuck from his book was how you take care of your car. You wouldn’t fill it with sugar and fast food. You would change the oil, put in good gas, wash and care for it. But many of us don’t treat our bodies with the same respect. 

Today that changes, not tomorrow, tomorrow never comes. Today is the day. I deserve it and I respect myself enough to treat my body well.