Progress, not perfection 

I grew up thinking perfection was possible. If you weren’t perfect, you weren’t trying hard enough.

That thinking can literally kill you. I tried it, it doesn’t work and more importantly, it’s exhausting. There is a horrible let down when you fall short of that mark. Shame, self loathing, you name it, I’ve felt it.

There were a lot of times where I heard, “if you would have just tried a little harder.” Today, I’m still trying to break it. I try so hard that I collapse into tears. Not just crying, shaking in the corner sobbing. 

I know I can play victim, it’s super easy! Look at what I’ve been through, I say. Look how life has kicked me when I was down. Oh poor me. But that just gets me stuck. Not progressing, just sitting in the sorrow and helplessness of self pity.

But really, I’ve come out of all that junk stronger. I actually am proud of myself and like who I am. I’m finally getting it together. Letting go of what life has handed me and looking forward to the amazing things to come.

It’s easy to look at people and think, it must be nice, they’ve had it so easy. But no one escapes life and death. Everyone looses, everyone triumphs. There’s no hard or easy, just life. No winners, no losers, just everyone trying to make it through.

I’ve got scars, I’ve had struggles. I make that very public. But today I embrace my progress. From victim to warrior, from endless pain to contentment in any situation. Not always perfect but always progressing. 

Most importantly, surrounded by smart strong people, that have been through the ringer too, who encourage and remind me, keep moving forward and making progress in each and every day regardless of circumstance or struggles. 

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Nature and yoga

Tonight I practiced on the deck, looking at the most beautiful view. I thought about listening to music. But there was something lovely in the sounds of the outdoors.

I listened to the birds singing to my flows. I felt the gentle wind that cooled me right when I needed it. I balanced finding a focal point on the hills. I looked up at the half moon starting to make it’s way into the blue sky. 

My body moved with grace. I had more focus and balance than I have ever had. I connected my soul with the beauty around me. Something very special in this practice moved me. Meet the outdoors around you and you’ll be at peace.

Doing the next right thing

Something I’m working on lately is just focusing on doing the next right thing. Sometimes I get stuck in the mode that I want someone to notice what I do.

I run around in my head that I hope they know I did that, or whatever it is. But in reality none of it matters. Doing the next right thing is enough. Maybe you can call it Karma. Doing the next right thing is an easy rule of thumb.

It’s easy to get caught up in the notion that if no one sees it, it doesn’t matter. But you see it. And isn’t what we think of ourselves all that really matters? And if Karma is a thing, it will pay off. 

The life you live, the choices you make, do make the person you are. Are you pleasant? Are you happy? Are you kind and thoughtful? Are you a good friend? All that matters is the next right thing. 

Sure you’ve messed up. I know I have. I’ve been selfish and unpleasant. I’ve made bad choices and hurt people. But the next right thing is always before you. It gets easier to not worry about the past when you focus on the next right thing. And you know what? All those next right things add up to feeling good about who you are and where you are headed. Keep moving forward and find that next right thing and you won’t be disappointed. 

The dream of all dreams

I have dreamed of working in media since my freshman year in high school where I met a teacher who would change the course of my life leading up to this moment. That teacher was Mr. Doug McComas. I found where I wanted to be and where I would try to get to for the next 20+ years.

I’ve wanted to be in media. I found Marketing and loved that equally. But bounced around never marrying the two. Now, I’m an Advertising Account Executive with the local TV Station, NCWLife. 

I’m beyond excited. The excitement of news and deadlines energizes me. I almost can’t believe I’m working along some Wenatchee greats: Steve Hair? Eric Grandstrom? Lisa Bradshaw? Dan Kuntz? Yeah. Yeah. I know, star struck listening to their voices as I walk around is crazy. Steve Hair was right in front of me today. Like right there, talking and having a normal conversation in his voice! 

Okay, maybe not everyone would act like an idiot not being able to speak in front of Steve Hair. Or being so silly awkward in front of Dan Kuntz. But seriously, I’m such a dork for this and don’t even care. 

I’ve really been cyber stalking them for months. Watching, contacting, all of it.

So it’s the dream of all dreams for me, just let me take it in. Can’t wait to get started on this ride.

Baptiste Cleanse Day 5, Day 3 of fruit fast

The fruit fast was extremely easy for me. I don’t feel like it’s working. Maybe because it wasn’t hard? I don’t know but I’m excited for a couple more days to find out.

For now, I guess I am excited to eat a vegetable. Sounds funny but it sounds good. Over sweetness and I’m craving some different flavors. 

Back to the last 2 days of the cleanse. It’s just like the first few days. I’ve decided if I’ve lost 6 lbs, I’ll do it again next week. Same schedule. Maybe less than that but 6 is a nice goal.

As for daily yoga. My muscles are getting sore, haven’t made excuses so I’m just proud of that. I taught the sequence last night and it went really well. The students commented when they came out so positive feedback is always nice to hear.

I’m feeling excited to practice today. It’s becoming a priority in my life and I really like it.

My goal in my practice is to get crow. I practice each time, that’s how I’ll know I’m progressing. 


Definitely not me in the picture. All is coming.

Baptiste Cleanse Day 2 – MAJOR Detox

So, let’s just say today was a lot different than yesterday. I don’t know if toxins were being cleansed from my system or what.

But here is what happened in order of my day, I started out with a quick banana to teach at 7am. It’s a low key wake up kind of flow. I tried to convince myself that it was good enough to not do my practice today. I drank a quick lemon hot water again which is super pleasant. Surprisingly! But I still drank coffee. One step at a time. 

Off to work, at lunch I ate a ton (too many) carrots but they were so crunchy and sweet, I ate them until I hated them. I drank a plant based shake for lunch. But felt a mental fog, I was emotional, defeated, loss of energy and over all feeling a bit blah. I had my mid afternoon apple snack which was super welcomed and gave me a burst of energy. 

After a long day I spent some time crying and over all breaking down luckily to understanding friends. Who were there completely for me.  

I decided I needed to practice. Wimping out gets me nothing. 

I came home, ate a quick chicken salad. Waited 20 minutes and began my practice. Somewhere between the first and third locust, I got queesy and let’s just say I detoxed. I brushed my teeth, got back on my mat and finished my practice.

I now head to a three day fruit fast. Stay tuned!

8 limbs – Aparigraha

One of my favorite Sanskrit words to say. It’s just fun.

But what it means – non covetousness. What it means to me is 2 things: 1) being grateful for what you have 2) not being jealous or wanting what someone else has.

What it means off the mat: greed, wanting what you don’t need, jealousy. All of these are struggles for me, I’ll be honest. I want to not want what other people have, whether it’s a body or things like cars and houses. I find myself longing for what I don’t have. Today, I’m grateful for what I do have. Which is actually a lot. Plenty. More than I deserve. And for the body, I’m settled in my body. Where it at today, I earned every bit of my weight. For better or worse, I’ve done this to myself.

On the mat: it’s easy to want the practice of others. It’s common to watch what other people can do. But again I’ve earned only what I’ve worked for. In yoga, there’s only one way to get what others have, working for it. Practicing frequently. Today I am settled into my practice. Enjoying right where I’m at and knowing it’s a constant practice to improve. There’s no end date, it’s constant growth to the next depth, the little father stretch and the more stength.