When I am in teacher training I feel great. Accomplished, open heart, full of challenges and ready to take them all on.
When I get home, something changes. I can feel those old wounds and scars open and you see the people in your life coming back and stabbing those places. It’s almost like I can feel my heart closing up and getting back into protection mode.
I change every time, and the more I go, the more I see that vulnerablility start to leave as I get hurt in the same familiar ways. I deeply want to stay open, but the wounds are still fresh. Like they never fully healed in those short few days of training. But in those days I saw the light. I feel lighter and lifted. It makes the crash at home even deeper.
The key is to find the place of love, acceptance and healing within. To hold onto that vunrability and accept it. To hold your scars and love them but let them go. For me, I have scars that are physical but that isn’t at all what I am feeling. I can feel the tightening deep in my chest. I haven’t figured out how to let that tightening go.
But I do feel healing. It’s coming, it may be slow but I continue to surround myself with love and let my guard go.