The after teacher training absence

Since teacher training, I haven’t been going as much as I used to.  I have to stop and wonder why.  Yeah, I did my 12 days of Christmas making about a class every other day average but it didn’t feel like that much.  Then three weeks after Christmas I made only 1-2 classes a week.

The best news I heard was when someone said that is not uncommon.  I realized at my last class that my practice isn’t progressing, it is staying about the same.  Which I think is pretty good.  My poses are strong, I do them correctly.  And maybe that is the problem.  I have settled into “I know this” I have got this down now, I know how it should look and I just need to work on this or that.

The whole thing I need to remember, it isn’t the little tweaks, it is yoga PRACTICE.  I need to practice.  I can’t settle on, oh hey, I am pretty good compared to regular people (no offense to those who don’t practice yoga at all) but I have taken a good amount of classes.  I have been to a few hours of intense yoga training.  But this is not what yoga is about.  It isn’t about learning, or knowledge. It is about the process of learning, the acquiring of knowledge.  Many people might call this ego, I don’t.  I actually feel like it is settling.

Settling into good enough, being happy with what is. I know it inside me, just being good enough.  I see the teachers at my studio who are so far ahead and I think, they are icons – I humbly follow in their steps.  I listen, I learn.  But I don’t aspire to be them, they are them, I am me, I will always be learning from them.

I see the naturals, you know who you are.  You are on challenging things, the handstands, the standing splits.  I want to do these things but somewhere inside between laziness and self doubt, I don’t move forward towards those goals.  Maybe I feel I can never get there deep inside.

Those feelings, those post-training depression I will call it, is over.  This year I need a yoga goal.  I need to practice and be dedicated in my yoga.  SO my goal this year is to master the headstand.  Starting this week, every day effort.  I see my friends posting their amazing handstands and I have to realize, they are working on it.  They work and fall, push and mula.  I want to get there but I am not putting in the effort.

Yoga is in the effort, not in the goals, not in the accomplishments and definitely not in any picture or video.  It’s in the hours and hours of dedication to get there.  Upside down isn’t easy for anyone.  I fall in the trap of thinking they are all naturals, it comes so easy for them.  But I know, it just doesn’t.  They are working and I need to get off my butt and get dedicated to getting better.  I am good here, it is safe, but it is boring and not what yoga is about.

Starting tomorrow

Minimum 3 trips to the studio per week

Headstands daily with this goal:

FM-Yoga-Headstance-Sequence-B

 

 

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Published by

amykreick

BRCA 2+, Post Bilateral Mastectomy, Post Surgical Menopause, Previvor, Dedicated Yoga Student, Previvor Advocate

One thought on “The after teacher training absence”

  1. Amy,
    I can relate to your story very well, I have been working on getting in to wheal with out the wall and head stands will be next. It’s a practice and we just have to show up!

    Like

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