The downs

I write a lot lately how I’m feeling confindent and well and on my birthday it crumbles to insecurity, unloved, even feelings of being  hated.

I think people care about me the same way I care about them and it’s always a let down. I’m so hurt, ashamed I even asked people to come. 

Then at home, all the things I do for other people are gone too. No happy birthday, no cards, no cake, no breakfast. Just nothing. It was a blip. Just a day to everyone but me. But to me, it was a milestone. It was a celebration of a life that has been scarred by cancer, threatened with death, body parts gone. And no one can have care or concern for the one person who makes everyone else’s day special.

I’m not angry. I’m hurt. Crushed. All confidence from yesterday’s posts melt into that little girl.  

Birthdays are important to me. I know not to most adults. But now it’s over. The party I didn’t have, the cake that’s never to be made. The candles I didn’t get to blow out. The song no one sang. And I’m alone. Crying, hurting. It’s real and raw. 


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BRCA 2+, Post Bilateral Mastectomy, Post Surgical Menopause, Previvor, Dedicated Yoga Student, Previvor Advocate

2 thoughts on “The downs”

  1. I could have written nearly this exact post on my 50th birthday in May. Instead I posted photos of the Oregon Coast because being this honest is way too hard. Like you, I have an overall good life but we all need someone to actually take the time to show love in a tangible way. I am sorry you were let down on your decade change birthday too.


  2. This years birthday was like that for me. My first one alone, my kids did not call, no one bought me any gifts, no cake, etc. You just have to embrace the emotions and love yourself my friend. Everything else follows šŸ™‚ I love you for the beautiful person you are and your courage inspires me!


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