Over the Hill and the view looks great

Today I turn forty.  Back when I was 25 years old, I had just lost my mom, I had just found out I had the same gene that was connected to her breast cancer and death.  I sat in the Wenatchee High School Gym watching my little sister play volleyball and I looked around.  I felt overwhelmed with grief.  It was probably one of the worst moments in my life.

I looked at all these people and thought, they all will live and I will die.  I’ll never grow old, I’ll never see grandchildren.  I am going to die.  Just like my mom just months before.  I will die early.  I just won’t ever see old age.  Now I know I am hardly old.  But that there was this moment in time that I so clearly saw my future and 40 wasn’t in it.  Let alone anything beyond.  I was devastated.  I was facing death and there was nothing I could do about it.  I felt at the young age of 25 that my death was imminent.

It wasn’t long before I found my strength to fight and do what I needed to do to get to this age.  People have asked me how I feel about 40.  Really, I feel accomplished.  I feel proud.  I feel so grateful.  I see the life behind me, heartaches and triumphs, love and loss, fear and courage.  I made it here, fighting the whole way but I made it.  I lost body parts, I lost a part of me.  But at the same time I found myself.

I see the life behind, and I see the life ahead.  Long or short, it is beautiful.  Life isn’t about survival.  It’s about enjoying the journey – good and bad.  Then pulling up your big girl panties and doing what you have to do but the strength to stay true to yourself.  I don’t know what is in front of me.  How many years I have.  What love and loss I have ahead of me.  I know there will be more.  But I am going to enjoy every second.  Look out world, Amy is coming down the hill and picking up speed.



One thought on “Over the Hill and the view looks great”

  1. Amy, you are amazing! While, I am so sorry for your losses, I love to read about your strength, your drive, and your absolutely positive attitude ❤️


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