Over the Hill and the view looks great

Today I turn forty.  Back when I was 25 years old, I had just lost my mom, I had just found out I had the same gene that was connected to her breast cancer and death.  I sat in the Wenatchee High School Gym watching my little sister play volleyball and I looked around.  I felt overwhelmed with grief.  It was probably one of the worst moments in my life.

I looked at all these people and thought, they all will live and I will die.  I’ll never grow old, I’ll never see grandchildren.  I am going to die.  Just like my mom just months before.  I will die early.  I just won’t ever see old age.  Now I know I am hardly old.  But that there was this moment in time that I so clearly saw my future and 40 wasn’t in it.  Let alone anything beyond.  I was devastated.  I was facing death and there was nothing I could do about it.  I felt at the young age of 25 that my death was imminent.

It wasn’t long before I found my strength to fight and do what I needed to do to get to this age.  People have asked me how I feel about 40.  Really, I feel accomplished.  I feel proud.  I feel so grateful.  I see the life behind me, heartaches and triumphs, love and loss, fear and courage.  I made it here, fighting the whole way but I made it.  I lost body parts, I lost a part of me.  But at the same time I found myself.

I see the life behind, and I see the life ahead.  Long or short, it is beautiful.  Life isn’t about survival.  It’s about enjoying the journey – good and bad.  Then pulling up your big girl panties and doing what you have to do but the strength to stay true to yourself.  I don’t know what is in front of me.  How many years I have.  What love and loss I have ahead of me.  I know there will be more.  But I am going to enjoy every second.  Look out world, Amy is coming down the hill and picking up speed.

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Published by

amykreick

BRCA 2+, Post Bilateral Mastectomy, Post Surgical Menopause, Previvor, Dedicated Yoga Student, Previvor Advocate

One thought on “Over the Hill and the view looks great”

  1. Amy, you are amazing! While, I am so sorry for your losses, I love to read about your strength, your drive, and your absolutely positive attitude ❤️

    Like

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