I write this for two reasons.  1) Someday someone else might be going through this and feel some strength and unity in my words.  2)  Really I don’t know how else to process the pain I am feeling.  This is raw.  If you aren’t interested, feel free to turn back now.

I say I am a warrior, blah blah blah.  Inside, I am a scared little girl unsure of herself.  Doubting.  Fear.  Those scars are so much deeper.  I am scared of rejection.  I am terrified of failure.  Of not being enough – which I have talked about.  But when I fail – I crumble.

Right now I am crumbling.  I know everything I want to say.  I can say it.  I know it.  Then, all at once, in front of a bunch of people, I crumble.  My confidence is shot after two tandem classes that was just not what I wanted it to be.  And I doubt.  All of my mistakes, all my doubt comes down to 6 little postures.  Now that I am home and it is over, my heart aches.  I want to share what has given me so much healing and I can’t.  I just can’t.  I try, and I don’t.  I fail.  The pain of failure is real, it’s physical – it’s in my heart.

I searched google images for failure and this popped out at me.


I will continue.  I won’t give up.



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BRCA 2+, Post Bilateral Mastectomy, Post Surgical Menopause, Previvor, Dedicated Yoga Student, Previvor Advocate

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