I write this for two reasons. 1) Someday someone else might be going through this and feel some strength and unity in my words. 2) Really I don’t know how else to process the pain I am feeling. This is raw. If you aren’t interested, feel free to turn back now.
I say I am a warrior, blah blah blah. Inside, I am a scared little girl unsure of herself. Doubting. Fear. Those scars are so much deeper. I am scared of rejection. I am terrified of failure. Of not being enough – which I have talked about. But when I fail – I crumble.
Right now I am crumbling. I know everything I want to say. I can say it. I know it. Then, all at once, in front of a bunch of people, I crumble. My confidence is shot after two tandem classes that was just not what I wanted it to be. And I doubt. All of my mistakes, all my doubt comes down to 6 little postures. Now that I am home and it is over, my heart aches. I want to share what has given me so much healing and I can’t. I just can’t. I try, and I don’t. I fail. The pain of failure is real, it’s physical – it’s in my heart.
I searched google images for failure and this popped out at me.
I will continue. I won’t give up.