Day two. Where to start. I guess the end is as good of place as any and it is the most exciting part. Tonight I went down during class. Not a fall, although I seem to be doing more of that here than I have ever before.
I noticed in the beginning of Hatha tonight when I raised my hands in the initial poses, they immediately started tingling. This has happened to me many times before so I kept going. I’m no sissy! Then my face started to go numb as well. I thought okay, just keep going, maybe lower the intensity a little bit.
*Side note: Teacher Training is so much more than learning to teach a one hour yoga class. It’s like spending the entire class looking at each little part of one pose. It’s intense but it makes you push yourself past your comfort zone into doing the postures correctly and not just doing what you think your best is. The entire thing is meant to push you past that. If you aren’t feeling Hatha anymore, this is for you. It is incredibly humbling and difficult and it will change your practice immediately as I found out tonight.
So face is numb, hands are numb now down to my elbows. My legs feel like they are a ton of bricks and I started loosing my breath. I couldn’t catch it, the numbness stressed me out and my breathing started to quicken and get very shallow. After a couple back bends, I knew I wasn’t feeling well. I laid down, just like they have been telling us to do. Luckily between two very good teachers who could tell I was struggling. As the struggle went beyond to panic. First my hands seized up – they curled inward like a claw and I couldn’t relax them. This of course started increasing my panic, increasing my breath. Pretty soon everything felt like it was tensing and cramping into muscle spasms. Mimi pulled my legs up to get some blood to my head and tried to calm me down. Trying to get me to stop talking so that I could breath.
Eventually they carried me out on my mat in the fetal position. My body went into full blown panic mode. What was the worst was how scary it was. I wanted to relax so badly but it felt involuntary and hurt so badly. Luckily, Jenn had the peace of mind to count, which I couldn’t at all follow but the counting slowed me down. Made me focus on something besides my muscles that were going against everything my brain was logically knowing what to do.
I learned from the EMT, and my wonderful in home nurse, Brianna – It’s called Tetany. It contracts all the muscles in a panic attack. It’s funny what goes through your head though, I was so worried about disrupting the class that I didn’t take care of myself and take a break when I knew that it was going badly and not getting better. I learned not to push through – I can relax, enjoy the class. I don’t need to push myself until I am being carried out. Tomorrow, it will be all about that Breath, ’bout that Breath.
So, good news, I felt the rest of the day went really good. I learned so much! The best thing about the day was sitting in a chair. I love chairs. And beds. Anything soft. So now, I am just so glad to be in bed, not in a hospital. And feeling like I learned a valuable lesson today. Maybe the best way you can learn it. Yes, the hardest way. But that is how I have learned most things so that’s nothing new to me.
My #1 goal for the week is to get my breath right in Hatha – actually, that is a great idea! Tomorrow, during the class. I am just going to focus on breath. I don’t have to hit every pose perfect. All these adjustments to our poses doesn’t have to be hit in the first class after we learn it, I have a lifetime to work on this. For now, I am just breath and life. Going from one breath to the next.