The Sweet Sound of Silence

I think one of the reasons I like yoga, and well, running or swimming is the silence.  I am kind of a complainer when I hurt.  Right now, I think I pulled some of my chest muscles at Vinyasa yesterday and they are screaming.  I want to tell someone, have someone feel my pain.  But in yoga tonight, I realized, I have to breath through the pain.  Feel it, relax into it and just get past it.  It’s like that with swimming and running.  No one to hear about what hurts, you just have to either do it or quit.

That is a good lesson for all of my life.  It doesn’t help to complain.  No one can ever feel your pain.  It’s yours, feel it, use it, breath through it and come out the other side realizing you can do more than you think you can.

There isn’t enough silence in our lives.  Maybe dedicating an hour a day to silence isn’t just an exercise in yoga but a internal thought practice.  An internal moment – just you and the mat, as they say.  I’ve noticed in the last few classes, and maybe this is due to going daily, I’ve found a place on my mat where it is just me.  I have stopped looking around and it’s just me there.  At the beginning, I would compare.  See how far or how strong everyone else is.  Instead it’s helped me connect to myself, my body, my practice.

There is something to be said for realizing you can’t control anything that isn’t on that mat.  Really, you can’t even control that.  For people who have just started reading my stuff, I believe that you are given things in your life, struggles, sickness, death, depression, whatever it is so you can grow and then use that to help others through when they are there.  I have found something else through this experience, things happen, maybe to just help you realize how little control any of us have.  These things, happen to everyone.  For me, my journey has been a blessing.  If you have no idea what I am talking about, here’s a synopsis:


Speaking of my chest, Vinyasa was challenging to say the least but tonight at Yin, my chest muscles started hurting so bad it almost brought me to tears.  It was frustrating and emotional.  But the silence brought me back.  I did what I could, focused on my breath and got through it.  Complaining not needed.  It still hurts and so maybe Vinyasa isn’t for me.  And that’s okay.  I didn’t call this blog, Everyone should do Everything.  I said Anyone can do Anything.  And really, I am living my dream of learning yoga.  I am loving the commitment that I made even if I sometimes want to quit.  But I don’t need to push everything as hard as I can.  The pain in my chest is real, but more importantly, it isn’t necessary.

Really, pain there for me is tied to so many other emotions and memories.  The multiple surgeries, mammograms, MRI’s, fear, loosing a piece of myself.  I actually had a small lump removed last year and I sobbed throughout the surgery.  I am seeing pain there as something I just don’t want to go through anymore.

But all of those experiences have shaped me to become the strong person that I am today.  When I found out a week before surgery that I would have a completely different surgery, loosing a part of me I felt was pretty important.  Today, I realize, my plans needed to be changed.  I was so in control of what was happening.  That unwelcome change let me know that it wasn’t about what I was loosing, it was the peace I was gaining.

Today, let something go that isn’t helping you.  Is it complaining?  Doing something that causes you pain?  Focusing on what isn’t important and trying to control or grasp on to the life you thing you are going to get?  Let go.  Find some silence and find some peace.  It’s amazing what can change if you let go.


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BRCA 2+, Post Bilateral Mastectomy, Post Surgical Menopause, Previvor, Dedicated Yoga Student, Previvor Advocate

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